Blind Luck Or Fate
by yellowhorde
Summary: This is a 1x5. Angst, Dark, Death, and Suicide... Heero wants to know if their love is just something meant to be or soething that just IS and uses a rather drastic method to find out... Please read and review :D !


This is my entry for the Infinity Base St. Patrick's Day contest.  

Disclaimer:  No, they aren't mine.  But I can dream, can't I?

Pairings:  1x5

Category:  Angst

Warning:  Yaoi. Death. Suicide. This may be a bit OOC.

Rating:  R

Title:  Blind Luck or Fate

Author:  yellowhorde

BLIND LUCK OR FATE

The sound of metal rattling against metal was the only noise in the darkened bedroom other than the Chinese boy's shallow pants as he struggled against his restraints, his heart beating a frantic tattoo of alarm as the armed figure stalked closer.  _This is wrong, all wrong!  _Wufei wretched his arms with renewed strength and pulled in a faint hissing breath as a thin line of fire branded his wrists, warm blood trickled down his arms as the cold metal handcuffs bit savagely into bronzed flesh.  The pain was immediate and insistent and all too real.  But it helped clear away the red cloud of panic that threatened to engulf him.  

Much to his credit, Wufei managed to sound perfectly calm and in control as he addressed his deranged lover. "Please, Heero… what ever it is you intend to do…please, reconsider…you don't want to do anything we both might regret!"  

Prussian blue eyes blankly regarded the naked youth chained to the metal headboard, and Wufei could feel that gaze on his flesh like a physical weight.  Sweat beaded the lithe body of the raven-haired pilot causing it to glisten faintly in the dim moonlight that filtered in through the drapes.  Uncertainty flickered across those glazed blue orbs then was gone almost before it could be recognized. Unshakable resolve had taken its place.  A soft smile tilted the Japanese boy's lips as he seated himself on the mattress besides Wufei, his body turned slightly so he could gaze into the onyx pools of his love's eyes.  

"It's all for the best, Wufei.  Trust me on this."  

Wufei said nothing.  What _could_ he say?  He had been trying to break through to Heero since the Japanese boy had first handcuffed him to the headboard but words hadn't done him any good, now had they? As a general rule Wufei was not into the bondage scene, and Heero had known this, but the tousled haired youth had ignored his lover's murmured protests as he forced Wufei's arms above his head and slapped home the metal restraints all the while his soft warm lips pressing burning kisses along Wufei's throat. To tell God's honest truth the almond eyed teenager had noticed that Heero had been acting rather strangely for several weeks but all of his attempts to probe into whatever was bothering his love had been meet with cold hostility. 

Heero's eyes dropped to his lap and he gazed in rapt fascination at the pistol clasped loosely in his large calloused hand, found comfort in its familiar weight.  Here lay the answers to all of his questions.  Of this he had no doubt.  Heero's throat worked convulsively as he struggled with the contrasting feelings that raged within him as two separate parts of his mind locked in fierce combat.  What he was about to do was totally crazy, the actions of a madman, but what choice did he have?  His sanity was on the line, not to mention his life and the life of the one he cherished.  But there was no other way, no other way.    

I have no choice…

Heero sighed as he felt the familiar burn of tears in his eyes, felt his throat squeeze tight as he struggled to maintain his composure and his words when they came were distant and filled with a terrible longing. 

"During the war I killed hundreds of people, soldiers and civilians alike.  Perhaps even thousands."  Heero raised his head and locked blue eyes with black as he spoke, praying that Wufei would understand what he was about to say.   For Wufei was the only one that could understand how he felt, the only soul who mattered in the entire crazy blood-soaked galaxy.  "I did whatever it took to accomplish my mission.  Completing the mission was all that mattered. Nothing else was of any consequence, not me as an individual, certainly not my own insignificant life… not the innocent lives I would be destroying… nothing… nothing mattered.  I was dispensable, just a pawn in their little game."

"I wanted to die."  

Silent tears slipped unnoticed down the Japanese boy's checks.  They flowed in a steady stream and Wufei realized with a jolt that this was the first time he had ever seen Heero weep…the first time the Perfect Soldier had truly let down his emotional defenses and allowed Wufei to catch a glimpse of what lay hidden behind those beautiful eyes.

And what Wufei saw was a frightened little boy…lonely and filled with unbearable pain…and guilt. A young boy who was hurting emotionally, mentally, spiritually…  

"But I didn't die…I _couldn't_.  No matter how hard I tried to, I was denied that final peace.  How many times did I battle impossible odds and succeed?  How many times did I put myself at risk only to come out victorious?"  Heero laughed, a sharp, jagged sound that left Wufei's own heart bleeding.  There was so much hurting in the boy's voice, so much pain in those eyes. Too much for any one soul to have to bear let alone a young boy.  

Absently, Heero scrubbed the heel of his hand across his flooding eyes.  His lips twitched in a dim parody of a smile.  "I even self-destructed my own Gundam and still Death eluded my grasp.  It shadowed my every movement, but remained always just out of reach.  Death was a gift granted to others…all those other fortunate souls…but not to me…Never for me…"

"H-Heero…I…"

Heero reached out with his empty hand and touched the tips of his fingers to Wufei's lips, silencing him with the barest touch.  That ghostly smile graced his features once more.  His eyes shimmered with unspoken emotions.  

"I courted Death, Wufei, until I fell in love with you and came to realize the true value of life.  You became my sole reason for living, my only purpose was being with you, fighting by your side…ON your side…even as I battled alone…" 

Heero's grip tightened spasmodically against the handle of the pistol.  His eyes clenched closed as if in pain, his voice hoarse with emotion.  "But is our love something that was _meant_ to be?  Or is it something that just _is_?"

"Heero…I don't understand…"

Heero shook his head in a sharp negative gesture and he spoke through clenched teeth,  "When the bullet passes the soldier by on the battle field… is his life spared because of blind luck or… Fate?  Did he survive because he was meant to live, because he was _Fated_ to live, or was it just something that happened with no apparent rhyme or reason?  Was it nothing more than just some fortunate random event in the never-ending stream of time?"

Deep blue eyes pleaded for answers, but Wufei had none to give.  He was at a loss for words, his mind a complete blank.

"We love each other, Heero.  That's all I really know.  Luck or Fate has nothing to do with it.  And it doesn't really matter, one way or the other…"

In a blur of motion, Heero was on his feet, his entire body trembling violently.  "It matters, Wufei!"  The youth screamed, the knuckles of the hand clutching the gun turning white, "It matters to ME!"  

Wufei cringed against the mattress feeling suddenly very vulnerable, very afraid…and very mortal.  A dark gleeful madness danced in the depths of those azure eyes, a madness that whispered promises of pain and violence.  

Heero leaned in towards his love, his voice hushed and eager, breathy with a lunatic excitement.  He whispered into the shell of Wufei's ear, "But I know how to find the answers, my love.  It came to me last night in a dream!"  

Wufei's heart lurched in his narrow chest as the pilot of Wing Zero pressed the cold metal against his temple and cocked the trigger.  He felt the lips of his lover twist into a maniacal grin.  "There are only two bullets in this gun, Wufei," Heero murmured, his breath puffing warm against Wufei's ear, sending delicate shivers coursing along his bare skin.  "One for you…and one for me… I am going to pull this trigger, and if our love is meant to be, we shall both live out our lives in perfect happiness.  If not…" Heero shrugged his shoulder in a deceptively nonchalant manner as he allowed the sentence to trail off.  

A dark tidal wave of despair washed over the Chinese youth.  The smooth barrel of the gun nudged against his flesh and Wufei averted his face from the madman posing as his beloved Heero, allowing his terrified eyes to slide closed for what could possibly be the last time.  This could NOT be Heero, not his Heero!  Not the young man who live and loved with such fiery passion.  No, no, no!  

Click!

Relief flooded through Wufei at the sound of the hammer coming down against an empty chamber and he released the breath he had not known he had been holding.  Wufei opened his eyes and turned his head towards the Japanese youth who was smiling, his eyes soft and filled with silent relief.

"I love you, Wufei.  Always remember that."

Heero withdrew the deadly weapon from Wufei's temple and pressed his own lips against Wufei's check.  He then pulled away while at the same time placing the barrel of the gun against his own head.  It was all or nothing.  No turning back now.  All of the answers were in his hand.  He controlled his destiny.  

"Luck or Fate, Wufei?"

"Heero, Don't!"

The resulting explosion shattered both lives.  

"NO!"  

Wufei jerked awake with the thunderous roar of Death ringing in his ears.  Golden rays of warmth slanted across the rumpled bedclothes.  The cheery sound of singing birds drifted in through the open window.  Frantically, the black haired youth reached towards Heero's side of the bed.  It was empty, yet still warm.  Dimly, he became aware of the sound of running water coming from the direction of the en suite bathroom he shared with his lover.  He released a trembling sigh and fell back against the sweat-drenched pillows.  

"Only a dream… Thank you, God!"  

Wufei gingerly pressed his fingertips against his throbbing temple; the same temple Heero had pressed a gun to in that terribly vivid nightmare.  A headache of almost migraine proportions was brewing and he had no intentions of letting it get the upper hand.  

With a groan, the Chinese pilot rolled over to Heero's side of the bed intent on gobbling a few of the maximum strength aspirins Heero always kept on hand for just such debilitating headaches.  His hand came into contact with the handle and he jerked the nightstand's only drawer open.  Just as he was reaching for the bottle that promised pain relief, he froze.

There cushioned against a swatch of red velvet was one darkly gleaming revolver…and two bullets.  

The End.


End file.
